Quite possibly the worst live performance I have ever sat through took place Tuesday night. PARAMORE, a band of teenagers from private school in Tennessee, opened up at the Verizon Ampitheater for John Mayer. As soon as the first 800-decibel note rang out, my head began throbbing, and it stayed at roughly the same decibel level the whole show. Coupled with this was the intensity of every note - making for 8 or so songs of repetitive DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA crap. The singer, an orange-haired 16 year old girl, attempted to scream over the amplified cacophony, but to no avail. My girlfriend says that she (might) have a good voice, but neither of us could really tell.

Now just to clarify; I am picky about music. I have a wide range, and appreciate many genres; I go to a lot of shows, see a lot of opening acts - heck, I have been an opening act myself. I know it isn't easy. So usually, I have a lot of love for opening acts, especially when they show some skill, talent, or even just a good attitude. PARAMORE was not any of these things. PARAMORE was the epitome of what a band should not be - overly marketed, trendy unimpressive tunes, so loud as to put off the audience, and 13-year-olds in the audience singing along.

According to Wikipedia's page, PARAMORE comes under the genre of 'Power Pop', which started with The Who. I beg to differ - I would include this band under a new genre, maybe something like 'Throwaway Rock' or 'High-Energy Teenager Powerchord Rock'. Bands like Green Day don't necessarily stretch the boundaries of guitar playing, but it's harmonious and somewhat organized. This band was tight in their playing, but the songs had no breaks, no space, no room. It's one of those bands that forces all members to try to play or scream over each other, and just results in a loud mess of a live show.

The drummer was unspectacular at best; the guitarist was either playing loud distortion power chords, or some lead riff that was terrible. The other guitarist (listed as TEMPORARY on all the band's media and wikipedia page) strummed along and bopped his shaggy head, but I couldn't point out a single note he was hitting. Many times, in bad, loud bands, one guitarist becomes a layer of noise only. The bassist, a dude who looked 30 and wore tights - yes, tights - around his skinny-ass legs, showcased tremendous energy - jumping around on the stage, shouting to people, at one point even doing a flip over another member of the band. (Hurrg! Excuse me, me, I just threw up a little bit in my mouth when I referred to them as a band.) Anyway, the bassist was limber and agile, in stage antics anyway, but it quickly became annoying. Why not spend that time developing a decent tune? Instead of choreographing backflips into your stage routine, full of DA-DA-DA-DA-DA basslines?

I was willing to just forget the whole experience, even though I was now about 80% deaf from the noise, but then things took a turn; the band quieted down, and the guitarist brought his guitar onto one knee. He then began messily fingerpicking some full chords, which actually sounded like a real song. Sure enough, the singer began - well, actually singing - and I realized they were covering Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah. I'm actually quite partial to the tune, especially Rufus Wainwright's piano version. So when they labored through about one verse, and one chorus, and then quickly transitioned into another pop-shitty-punk-rock riff, I felt like that Indian shedding the one tear in that 70's littering commercial. Somehow, by covering about 45 seconds of a great song, this band further demeaned themselves.

The worst part of this whole PARAMORE band was the marketing and hype. During their live performance, professional photographers crcled the lead guitarist and singer, snapping photos, probably for their website and tour promotions. The chick singer repeatedly mentioned her band's name, which was fine at first; then, during the second or third song, a massive banner was unfurled filling the stage behind them with the word PARAMORE. She then proceeded to mention the band's name again, just about every space she could, including their two CDs (Two CDs? Two?? These kids can't even play music yet!! Who is sponsoring two CDs??). You could buy a PARAMORE half-shirt or tote bag at the stand outside the ampitheater for a modest $25. You know, in case you wanted to broadcast the fact that you have no taste in music.

John Mayer was great. Don't listen to PARAMORE.