However, I've still managed to be victimized by Facebook, and its now-tight nexus of people that knew each other, somewhat, during high school 12 to 16 years ago.
The pervasive interest and membership in Facebook has gotten me and a few friends thinking about what is so wrong about it, why it's such a violation of nature. As I've written in the past, I avoid MySpace entirely, except when I have to post something band or music related; it's just turned into this receptacle of internet garbage. I do occasionally use LinkedIn, and that has proven itself useful for some friends that found themselves on the wrong side of this eonomic meltdown. I know that if things went wrong, I have 5 or 6 contacts on LinkedIn that would be more than happy to get me on their staff.
Instant messengers, though I don't really use them anymore, have been useful for reconnecting with college folks, a buddy or two from Iraq overseas. But I can't say I sign in more than once a month anymore. I used to be on every day. Wow, that's sort of just hitting me. I actually do more now. I'm out at night, shows, band pratices, or just enjoying life. Ahhh, life.
But Facebook has become some sort of global necessity. Everyone is getting on it, and then immediately looking up all these people - first the close friends that moved away or they lost touch with...then classmates and old co-workers...then, inevitably, anyone and everyone from high school. Everyone they've 'wronged' somehow. Or just people that they think are interesting, and want to find out how they are doing today. This coaslesces into a perfect storm of people that want to find me.
I wasn't that interesting in high school - I don't even consider myself really socially conscious until 16 or so. I had some wit, and was a romantic, but really didn't blossom until college. Didn't come into my own really until 22ish. Sad, but true. I met a lot of great people in high school - some bandmates, some lifelong friends. Some great, solid individuals, who I manage to keep in contact with. But overall, I don't share much with the average classmate. The town we grew up in. Not really socio-economic status, or lifestyle views, or education or choices or feelings on anything, really. Just the place where we were all herded during our formative years. Is that really enough to form some kind of solid connection?
Don't get me wrong, these were some smart folks. I haven't found much better of a companion to talk with or hash out deep, meaningful discussions with than Joe M. from high school. I'll probably never have the same bond with guys that I have with Kias or Al. But high school ended, and a select group of relationships continued. That's normal.
What really gets to me about being approached by people I don't necessarily need or want to be in contact with, is the violation of it. I've moved on; I'm the same person on the inside, but hell, a decade or so of experiences has changed me. I'm in control of my life now. I'm who I want to be. Suddenly being confronted with someone who you only knew when you were years behind in life development, suddenly puts you back there...in places a lot of us don't want to be. Do I want to feel 14 again? Considering how good 24 and 25 felt...nope!
One friend whose band recently saw some success was discussing how Facebook is bringing more and more high school classmates out to see his shows. At first it's a novelty - seeing how some interesting people ended up, seeing what life choices some folks made, and what horrendous mistakes and calamities have befallen others. It's almost heartwarming, although awkward. After the fifth or sixth time, however, he said that the last-ten-years talk got stale and dead. He'd have to tell people the same few highlights, politely listen as they touched on theirs, all the while struggling with the concept that we all swam in the same proverbial tadpole tank.
It's happened to me, too; with so many people finding me to catch up, I've actually developed a form response, about 6-8 paragraphs about my life and where its taken me. I trim the first three, based on if I saw the person last in high school, college, or somewhere pre-graduation. Sad. It's a form letter, basically. I should make a javascript web app - When was the last time you heard from Mike? Would you like a verbose paragraph structure, or abbreviated?
Our lives have this balance to them; this progression where people come in, make their mark, and in many cases, exit. It's unfortunate, but it's about the most natural thing you can imagine - a beginning, a life, and an end. All things end. And maybe, if fate arranges it so, you meet up again - most likely just a harmless bumping into each other, where you get a brief summary of what's happened over the years...and then part again. Occasionally something rekindles, you find a common interest, and if so, great.
Imagine this scenario: you loved your great-grandmother. Maybe you didn't know her much, maybe she died when you were 4 or 6 or 12. But you shared something, you cared about each other before that relationship ended. Then, suddenly, tonight, your doorbell rings, and your great-grandmother has risen from the dead and wants to see how you are doing. You're startled, of course, but you take her inside and sit down, somewhat ill at ease, but still immediately warmed to see this being you knew.
But after a few minutes, you realize that this isn't natural - your great-grandmother died, years and years ago. You may have had some common experiences - heck, common genes - but that relationship ceased to exist in any material way, and became a part of your memories, your formation - who you are. Part of you may yearn for that connection again, but in your head you realize that this relationship died, in all meaningful ways, years ago. It might be nice to see her in front of you again, and let her know that you're doing just fine...but in this reality, she doesn't belong in your life anymore. You've moved on.
That is the natural order of things that Facebook violates. That's why I'm not on there. And that's why I don't really catch up with people from high school. I wish everyone the best (yes, everyone, even those who chose/choose to be abominable human beings), but I really don't have the drive to reconnect. I made a list of 165 folks that I've met along the way in life that I definitely need to keep in touch with. I think I got everyone. If not, by all means, drop me a line; but the intellectual curiousity, this massive output of power that we spend on reconnecting and sniffing each other's electronic asses on Facebook all day could be put to about a billion other, better uses.
Count me out. I'll be over here - displaying myself on my own corner of the internet, with my one-way outpouring of cyber-hypocrisy, relatively free and anonymous despite the bajillions of loyal readers. That's right. Bajillions. And if my great grandother comes a-knockin, I think we'll have to just go ahead and put her down. Sorry, Nana.
-EO