Rules of Songwriting

1) No "La la lala lala la"

The very first rule of songwriting; if you don't have something to say, then don't open your mouth.  'La la la' is useless; if people are listening to you, you can at least have the courtesy to say something at least coherent, if not interesting or poetic. 

If you absolutely MUST use the 'la la la la' out, then do it with style and class, like Billy Joel; don't do it mid-chorus, but either pre-chorus or during the bridge. 

Violators: Bruce Springsteen, everyone

2) The word "baby"

"Baby" is an easy word to use in songs - it fits in lots of places, rhymes decently...but it quickly becomes overused, especially when a male is singing.  You don't here the other terms of endearment nearly as often - honey, sweey, dear, lovey-dovey, etc. 

Violators: nearly 99% of 'blues', Elvis

3) Songs about girlfriends.

This is a problem, since a very high percentage of songs (including mine) revolve around relationships, exes, etc.  This is to be expected; as a relationship is one of the most emotional events in life, certainly it can lead to the best (or most prolific) forms of expression.  However, don't fall into the trap of making every song about the ex that blah-blah-blah'd.  After two songs of you whining about the ditzy girl that wasn't that into you, I have already walked out. 

Violators: Dashboard Confessional

4) Diversify!

If you have had a few CDs of success, you should branch out...bend the rules a little.  Try to incorporate another genre, or use some progressive rock time-changes.  Even a different beat; something to help prove to the world that you are actually an artist, and not just a machine churning out the same thing over and over, to please your record label and continue making money off the masses.

If you do not want to take the chance at ruining the magic your band possesses (like DMB did with Everyday), then do some solo or side projects. 

Violators: Nickelback

5) Lyrical Wrapping.

Build in a little mystery.  Song lyrics should not be so pure as to be boring.  They do not always have to involve complex symbolism and metaphoric contemplation of life's great mysteries - but a dose of poetic wrapping and encoding is great for stimulating fans interest down the line - after they've heard the song 10 times.  The greatest CDs I own are the ones I have listened to hundreds of times, yet hear something new in the lyrics each time.

Violators: all pop, rap

6) Singing!

If you can't do it, don't.  It's that simple.  Don't whine, or scream, or talk over beats.  If you do not posess appreciable vocal talent, hopefully refined by some skill, then please do not step up to a microphone.  There are other people that can sing; work with them. 

Notable Violators: Bob Dylan, rap

7) Don't Be A Turd

Just because you are a musical and commerical success does not entitle you to become a complete, lowlife-bastard.  Either keep to yourself, or remember to be thankful for the many fans who are making your dreams a reality.

Violators: too many to list

8) Lyrics

Your words don't have to rhyme, or conform to any easily readable poetic archetype.  You have great freedoms as a songwriter.  So when you resort to using the simplest of rhyming schemes, in every stanza of every song, then you are showing your lack of songwriting skill.  If "Roses are Red and Violets are Blue" sounds like most of your lyrics, then you have violated this rule. 

Look at the end of each line of your lyrics.  Do you see a lot of this: 'you', 'true', 'new', 'blue', 'do', or  'face', 'place', etc.?  If so, you have violated this rule.  Try to establish a style, and at some point, try to abandon the simplistic, vanilla, mono-syllabic rhyme.

Violators: James Blunt

9) Have Some Form of Musical Talent

For some reason, a popular sound in music today is 'crap'.  Many bands go with a sound that resembles what any idiot sounds like, the first time they pick up a guitar.  Maybe they are young and unrefined, or maybe this is the ceiling of their skill.  Either way, I cannot justify the masses purchasing these CDs. 

I had a band in high school, and despite sounding horrid, we recorded a CD and enjoyed delusions of grandeur.  If that sort of crap hadn't been left behind eventually, I never would have become a good musician, or expanded my taste to as many styles, or really have the depth of musical character and appreciation I have today. 

Supporting these artists is like giving Gee Dubya a pat on the back and saying "Good Job, man." 

Violators: The Strokes, The White Stripes

10) Don't Get Too Poppy

Don't be pressured by a label to conform to a certain sound, or to slowly abandon your niche for something more 'radio-friendly'.  Record companies will continue to churn out new young stars, and have the best talents write pop tunes for them, complete with scripted inflections and sexual innuendos to keep horny boys interested.  Listening to music like that is the auditory equivalent of eating a rice cake; no nutritional value, no taste, no substance. 

You have the chance to rise above, grab the world's ear, and fill it with something rich and satisfying.  This is your opportunity; don't go Sheryl Crow. 

-EO